Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just cropdusted the office
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
