i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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