Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
