cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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