Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
