You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
tell me about the eggs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
