2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
