i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
