if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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