it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
