That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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