am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My vagina is very pro this idea
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
