Where did you get a picture of my penis
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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