The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you would pick up someone in the library
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
