Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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