DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
3pm strippers are depressing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
