Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
