you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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