I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Come on in and take your pants off
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