where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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