I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
