Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
