If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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