I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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