I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
