I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
