The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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