so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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