After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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