Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
