she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
