My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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