So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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