This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???