On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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