It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
