Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
