i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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