New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
