would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
