True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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