operation harelip BJ is a go
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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