She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
