I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
