I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
