Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
