yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
one might say we're banned from that church
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
