Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
