Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
