And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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