Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
