The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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