u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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