Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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