Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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