party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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