Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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