My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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