We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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