Jerry, you need to find god
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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