And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize