somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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