Don't you send me to vm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
