There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
