I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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