I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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